Have you ever felt like you take forever to finish things? Maybe you’re a great starter, but not a great finisher? This is me. I began my college education back in 2001 and here I am, 18 years later. I feel like there are some people who need to hear this story. It’s long because there are a lot of details, but if you stay with me throughout this post, your eyes may be opened to some of the incredible ways God moves and speaks to us. In looking closely at the details, I become aware how much he cares about every aspect of our lives, not just the highlights. So here is the journey of my education, a road traveled much longer than expected.
When I was in high school, I felt lost in the scene. I was always serious about my relationship with God, from as far back as I can remember. My personal convictions kept me from participating in things other teens did, like parties and dating. I never really gave in to peer pressure, partly because I was used to not fitting in and eventually accepted that. I was shy and quiet, wishing to not be noticed. I was accepted by most people but didn’t truly fit in anywhere. I had many acquaintances but few friends. My closest friends were a couple of cousins who lived states away. My older brother was one of the more popular kids in school and we were polar opposites. If I had any popularity at all, I figured it was probably just because I was his sister. Although in the moment, I felt very isolated and different, I am thankful now for those years with minimal distractions. Because of the loneliness and the quiet, I leaned into seeking God’s presence and studying his word. And from a young age, I learned to recognize the many ways he speaks.
Around age 14, I took my first missions trip (Ukraine) which lit a fire in me for missions. On my next trip (Peru), I experienced the supernatural which made me realize God’s nearness in new ways and a calling on my life to missions. These experiences combined with summer youth camps propelled me forward in my faith, helping me to see God had a destiny for my life. But it seemed my thoughts were far in the distant future and my goals so vastly different than others around me.
In my junior year, something shifted inside of me and I felt a strange urgency to be done with high school. I couldn’t put words to why I needed to leave…I just knew that I did. I sensed that once I left home I would somehow step into my destiny. My eagerness to leave was accentuated by my parents, who also felt a strong prompting to help me enroll in college a year early. Looking back, I realize it was the Holy Spirit’s leading. To my knowledge, I became the first student to graduate a year early from my high school. The staff and students were perplexed, not understanding why a seemingly successful and involved student would want to skip her senior year! But after looking at my transcript, the school agreed that if I took one English class at the local college and an extra gym requirement, I would meet the requirements to graduate early.
My brother decided to attend Evangel University in Springfield, Missouri, a private Christian college where our parents and many other family members went to school. I had given no previous thought to where I wanted to go to college. In fact, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life other than pursue my missions calling. I was also afraid to leave home at 16 years old by myself and move several states away. So for lack of a different plan, I decided to go along with my brother to Evangel.
As summer moved along and it was nearing the time to leave, my mom found me alone on the porch, crying and afraid. I wondered if I had made a huge mistake. She listened as I expressed my apprehension for leaving and she prayed over me. She then smiled at me and said something amazing: “The Lord just told me that you’re going to meet your future husband as soon as you go to college.” I’d been praying since age ten that I would marry the first man I dated. I wanted to save every part of myself for just one special person. Although I’d been asked out on dates before, I never said yes because I knew I hadn’t met him yet. I was filled with so much peace at my mom’s words and felt reassured that it was God’s will for me to go.
Learning to live away from home at Evangel and operate as an adult felt overwhelming at times as I overcame my fear and insecurity as a 16-year-old college student. I started out as a ‘Missions’ major since that was the only direction I had. I took lots of biblical studies and missions classes my freshman year. Living in a dorm with other girls helped life to not feel lonely as I navigated life away from home for the first time. I saw my brother occasionally but not as often as I hoped since he was immersed in his own college experience.
Just two weeks or so after arriving on campus, I met Aaron. Aaron was a senior about to graduate from Evangel and I was a 16-year-old freshman, the youngest student on campus. Our dating relationship is another long story, but needless to say, we fell in love and were married after I turned 18 during my sophomore year of college. That was such an exciting time in my life and God was so faithful to confirm I was giving my heart to the right person. My mom had been right! If I had not followed God’s prompting to graduate a year early from high school, our paths would not have crossed!
During that time, Evangel opened a nursing program. I realized that one of the best possible ways I could prepare for missions is by learning some practical skills to help people. I had a full year of biblical studies and missions classes under my belt which felt wasted since I felt strongly I should switch over to nursing in my sophomore year. It was a moment where I scratched my head, wondering why I had studied so hard for something that didn’t apply credit toward my degree (a seemingly huge waste of time and money)…but I followed God’s leading nonetheless.
I graduated from Evangel with an Associate Degree in Pre-Nursing (I think they made up that title for me and doubt anyone has graduated with that title since!), which wasn’t a true nursing degree but simply fulfilled all the prerequisite requirements for nursing school. At the time, it truly felt like a wasted degree that earned me a lot of student loan debt. If I had attended a full nursing program to begin with rather than pursuing a missions degree, I would already have been a registered nurse.
After I graduated, we moved to Kansas City, where Aaron got his first career job. I tabled my plans to finish my degree while adjusting to the busy life of motherhood. While pregnant with our third child, I applied to a local nursing program in 2008 that offered night classes and was accepted. However, right before the start date, I got cold feet and backed out. The fact is, I didn’t want to go back to school. I made up excuses about feeling overwhelmed by having a third baby and just not being able to handle it (I shake my head now at this version of my old self and anyone who knows me today probably has a hard time believing I actually said those things!). Aaron adamantly disagreed and strongly advised me to push through but I refused. He knew I would regret it and he was so right. Looking back, I wish I would have trusted God and my husband instead of making an important decision based out of fear and, if I’m being honest, a rebellious heart.
By the time life settled down into a predictable enough routine where I felt like I could handle nursing classes, it turned out I was no longer eligible to attend nursing school. I soon learned that my nursing prerequisites that I had taken at Evangel were now ‘too old’, and that I would have to start some classes over again to even qualify as an applicant. Thus began the journey of proving I was a fit candidate to even apply once again to nursing school. It was the most humbling experience. I jumped through every possible hoop to improve my changes of getting in. I retook some upper level sciences such as Physiology at the local community college, I obtained a CNA certification, I improved my overall GPA, I submitted excellent reference letters. Each time I applied to the program I was met with a closed door and rejected for some reason or other. Regardless of how hard I tried, how many creative angles I took, my efforts were futile.
The program which first accepted me in 2008 grew incredibly competitive. After my final application attempt, I was accepted as an ‘alternate’ in case someone backed out of their spot, but no one did. After my final rejection, the program administrator informed me that the rest of my classes had expired and if I wanted to reapply, I would have to start everything over from the very beginning. I cried in despair and frustration, knowing I was at a dead end and it was now over. I was done trying to prove myself. All my efforts were fruitless…everything seemed hopeless. It seemed that what I would be taking away from this journey was not a nursing degree, but a lesson learned in paying for your mistakes.
In early 2014, I boxed up all of my old nursing textbooks to donate and dusted my hands off as a symbol of resignation, putting this tumultuous journey behind me once and for all. I officially gave up my dream of becoming a nurse. I had failed to obey God when he said I could do what I convinced myself that I could not do. I wondered if I missed my life calling or maybe I even misunderstood from the start. I doubted my ability to hear His voice, which I think was the most devastating realization of all. If I thought I heard Him about this but I really didn’t, then what do I really know about anything?
Mere weeks later, I experienced something unexpected…an uncomfortable, strong churning in my gut which led me to pray. I describe it as butterflies in my stomach, like a sense of nervous anticipation over something I don’t know is about to happen. I have since learned that this is God’s way of letting me know he needs to speak to me about something important. It always brings me to my knees to pray and earnestly seek him. I decided to go to a local prayer room to spend some quiet time with the Lord. I asked him to silence all voices but his own so I could clearly hear him speak.
He did just that. I suddenly became aware of a certain bible passage to look up, Hebrews 3:15. It reads, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.” Wow! I paused a few moments, took a deep breath, and then prayed intensely, “God, whatever you’re about to tell me to do, I promise to do it. I will listen and I will obey. Even if it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” You see, I had learned the cost of not trusting him. But still, it took a lot of courage and boldness to pray this prayer. I tightened my stomach, clenched my teeth, and waited. I then heard one word so very clearly…“Breckenridge”.
Baffled, I wondered, what is Breckenridge? As soon as I arrived back home, I opened my laptop and immediately discovered what he was saying – Breckenridge School of Nursing in Overland Park, Kansas. I sat in stunned silence with my mouth open, incredulous. “God, why would you have me do this all over again, when I’ve been trying to get into nursing school for over five years?! I’ve already given this up!” With my head buried in my hands and heart pounding, I sat in turmoil over the realization of what he was bringing back around for me to do…this time not with three, but six children at home, two newly adopted and brought home from Haiti just two weeks earlier! I had every reason to say no to this. The timing seemed absolutely ridiculous. But I was soon reminded of the bible verse he spoke to me seconds before he spoke the word, and then I remembered the promise I made to obey regardless. I saw now why he needed to show me that verse first. I needed to align my heart to receive this new direction for my life. It was a test of my commitment and trust in him. Realizing that this decision would make me look like a fool to everyone around me and I would be risking so much on so many levels, I put it all aside and resolved to not make the same mistake again. All that truly matters is what my heavenly father thinks of me. So this time (six years later), I took a deep breath and finally surrendered my will to the Lord.
When God’s favor is over something, it never ceases to amaze me how he opens doors. Within one week, I was a student at Breckenridge. I made one phone call that set things into motion and every door flew open. After years of striving to prove myself, I was stunned at how easy everything suddenly became. The supernatural favor I experienced was even embarrassing at times. I seemed to be the only student in the program who received special treatment at the school…the only one whose classes transferred in, the only one with unbelievable financial favor, the only one with straight A’s but who studied the least. Although it seemed unfair to the other students, God’s blessing and favor was staring me in the face every time I turned a corner. The school literally opened right before I became a student and then closed soon after I graduated! It truly felt as though God opened this nursing school just to give me a second chance.
Although the favor was there, I worked very hard and at times, the program itself was poorly run and incredibly frustrating. The nationwide reputation of the school was also quite poor. I remember driving into the parking lot one night for classes and feeling embarrassed about my status as an associate degree student there. But I then heard God clearly speak to me: “Don’t despise small beginnings.” I instantly felt humbled and repented of my attitude and instead thanked God for using this place to help me reach my calling.
As my time at the school drew to a close, I wondered what God had in store for me next. I would be a RN with an associate degree soon, but what was I supposed to do afterwards? I asked and once again, he answered. This was another rare moment where I heard specific and clear words of direction: “Avila, Rockhurst, Truman”. At that time, I didn’t know what any of those words meant. I soon learned that all three were actual places in Kansas City!
After graduating from Breckenridge, I enrolled at Avila University in a RN to BSN program. Since I came from an unaccredited ADN program, I learned that finding an accredited RN to BSN program to accept me would be nearly impossible. As Breckenridge students scrambled to find schools which would accept their unaccredited degrees and allow them to pursue and obtain an accredited BSN degree, the one school we collectively learned would accept us was Avila. However, for any other student, Avila would have been a nonsensical choice. They had a very extensive list of religious studies and general education classes that students were required to take in addition to all the nursing coursework. But…I was the exception. When the admissions department looked over my transcript, I was informed that all of the general education, biblical studies, and missions classes I took at Evangel transferred to meet all the non-nursing requirements at Avila!! God knew all along that my freshman year at Evangel would be put to use later on! Wow!!
In that admissions meeting, my advisor asked a strange question that caused my ears to immediately perk up. “You don’t happen to work at Truman, do you?” Of all words for her to mention, she just happened to mention one of the few directional words God had given me! “No…why?” I asked tentatively with growing curiosity. “If you work at Truman Medical Center, Avila will give you a 25% tuition discount.” I realized at that moment I had some more doors to knock on.
Through a strange series of circumstances, I ended up encountering God’s favor once more as I knocked on the door of Truman. Within a very short period of time, I was hired as a labor and delivery nurse on their high risk unit, the exact job and setting I desired to help saturate and prepare me for my calling in missions. Because I was hired at the start of my BSN program, I received that 25% discount to help lower my educational expenses. Encounter after encounter, I was continually reassured of God’s presence and favor over this decision.
Because of the strange order of my education, I ended up with three degrees from three institutions rather than one degree from one institution. But every class was put to good use. Every school I attended and degree I started had its purpose and was eventually fulfilled. Only God could have weaved together a tapestry this complex without wasting one thread!
The one remaining and unfulfilled word that God spoke is Rockhurst. I plan to apply sometime soon to obtain either a masters degree or a graduate certificate in health care leadership. But regardless of the difficulty level or what I have going on in my life, when God says it’s time, I will step into it. I have ten kids now, and amazingly, I don’t even feel doubt about whether or not I can do it. Because as Matthew 19:26 says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
What do you feel uniquely designed to do in this life? Has he spoken something to you that feels unattainable? If you haven’t heard, take a few moments and ask God to silence all voices but his own and open your ears to hear clearly from him. I believe he has big things to say to you! My story may sound unique, but the very same creator and father who took the time to speak and walk with me patiently on this unusual journey wants to do the same with you on your journey. In fact, he is already walking it with you, but you may be unaware of his presence. He cares about you so much! He is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34) and cares about your innermost thoughts (Psalm 139). In Christ, you are esteemed and highly favored, made possible not by your works but by his grace. Because of what Jesus did on the cross, this is your new reality when you become a Christian. Because of his incomprehensible love for you, he wants to walk closely with you on this journey.
God finishes what he starts. We are all a work in progress. Each of us is on a unique and special journey. I am here to say that your calling matters to him. Your gifts matter to him.
“For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” (Romans 11:29)
